My latest Kotaku column is an expression of some of my anger, fatigue and frustration at the “woman in games” role I have adopted, at times uneasily and at other times poorly, throughout my career. It’s stirring up a lot of controversy, which naturally I predicted, so I wanted to share a couple more thoughts.
Category Archives: Programming Notes
Bullet Hell
Blogging’s kind of like a long, long video game for me. And you know when you get to a new area and you put the game down and for some reason you don’t get back to it for a while, it gets harder and harder to pick it up with each passing day? That’s how I get with blogging — even when I don’t post here, the world of video games marches on, and so does my work all over the place, and the catch-up mandate opens up like some beast-maw of procrastination.
-Interview: Beautiful, Creative El Shaddai Is Daring To Be Weird — it seems like it’s really “my kinda thing”, and I can’t wait to see it at E3. Related: Shane Bettenhausen (who ended up as biz dev director at Ignition, if you didn’t know) and I discuss El Shaddai and E3 on Sidequesting’s Main Quest podcast.
-Boy Meets Girl: Nival’s Unusual Prime World Goals — these Russian folks are making an online social game with a design that intends to encourage boys and girls to play together, specifically. Do most girls really prefer support roles?
-Interview: Heroes of Newerth’s Marc DeForest On Evolving Business Models — interesting data on how user bases shift depending on a company’s monetization strategy. I MADE BAR CHARTS FOR THIS ONE, Y’ALL. Leigh Alexander, renaissance woman.
-Interview: Crowdstar Raises $23M Toward Growth Efforts From Major Investors — Everyone continues to insist this space is not overvalued.
-Interview: Supercell Talks $12M Funding, Gunshine And Bridging Gaps — Big funding house likes social and browser MMOs. Surprise!!!!1
-Social Media Is Ruining Everything — My fairly controversial piece on the stress of information overload and the ability to have more social interaction than the human mind is made to handle. You can tell which commenters’ parents are currently paying for them to spend four years majoring in new media studies.
No More Questions
After answering exactly 2871 questions, I’ve disabled my Formspring account. Having one has been a fascinating, puzzling and often unsettling experience — I don’t regret wading unarmed into the pool of madness, but it’s gotten a little overwhelming.
It’s such a strange commentary on the nature of social media that so many people wanted to write in questions to me. I’m not a celebrity, a pop star or a politician; I’m a writer, and not even on anything of particular global gravity — at the end of the day, it really is just video games, which hopefully are a relatively small thing in the grand scheme of your place in the world. If I am considered exceptional in my field it’s because the bar’s not high, which isn’t much to write home about.
That’s part of why Formspring was such an interesting experiment for me, as someone who also likes to write about web culture trends and social media. If you have the opportunity to ask someone who writes about video games any question you like, it seems to make sense you’d decide to ask them something about either video games or writing, assuming those things interest you.
However, I’d say more than half, possibly more than two-thirds of the questions I received were not about video games, by the end: the proportion had ramped up exponentially the more widely-visited my Formspring (and the service in general, as I was a relatively-early adopter) became.
In other words, the more people who came to ask me questions, the fewer of them were actually germane to my work. People wanted relationship advice, to know about my preferences in food, music, liquor, clothing, haircare, art and literature, about my experiences in childhood, about what I am looking for in a partner, and any number of things.
I like answering questions; I’ve said before that I look at my writing online as a way to be engaged in a large-scale conversation on a topic that I love with other people who share that interest. And I’ve observed with some curiosity the trend toward all interactivity, whether that’s gaming or writing and talking online, away from the long-form toward the quick-hit.
I wrote last year about that trend, and how being able to take the pulse of the gaming audience through Twitter contributed to me blogging less, and Formspring was another way to make me feel connected to my audience with more immediacy and more brevity. I guess in my fascination, it stopped mattering whether we were even talking about games too much.
At first, I tasked myself with not refusing any question that was submitted, even if it was nonsensical or something like “y u mad girl” (an actual question which I answered with “iono”). It was its own kind of game; even if someone was saying something offensive, I’d initially respond instead of delete simply because I thought it was so funny and so strange that people would behave that way when we don’t even know one another.
During an interesting period when I’d weighed in about the Dickwolves Thing, Formspring became a place for people to stage arguments with me. That was a contentious topic and many people wanted to challenge me one-on-one. I sort of liked that; if something’s heated and makes me feel passionate, it felt like a brave experiment to take on trolls and debaters alike directly.
I began to get more and more questions; in the past months, occasionally up to 20 a day. I spend about eight hours a day online working, sometimes more if I’m socializing too, and I’d get email alerts and immediately answer the Formspring question. I could probably do an entire extra article or blog post in a day with the amount of time I spent typing answers to Formspring questions about what people should do about something their significant other said, or what my views on religion are, or even something related to my work, like in what contexts I don’t mind long cutscenes and why.
Interestingly, I observed that answering a particular type of question would solicit more of that type. Engaging trolls or talking about sexism would bring more trolls and more confrontational gender questions. I had to start drawing a line — and I learned saying “I don’t want to talk any more about that” would cause people to submit things equivalent to “so you won’t take a stand or express your views, huh?” As if the fact I’d been doing so extensively was disposable to them because I didn’t answer their question, or because my paragraphs-long response was no longer at the top of the page.
But I continued answering questions. Partly because I’d become hooked, the same way you get hooked on your Twitter and Facebook feed. It got to where I’d soldier grimly into that Formspring inbox, dreading what I might find, and yet feel like I’d committed: It says ask me whatevsies, and so I’ve gotta answer.
I felt I was doing some kind of “research”, as if analyzing the volume and tone of Formspring questions could answer my questions — who reads my articles? How are they being received? How am I being received? And yet there was no pattern, no meaning. For example, what factors contribute to Kieron getting questions mostly about his X-Men work versus the weird Wild West of mine? Probably lots, but I don’t learn anything by pegging ‘em. And none of it helps me get my head around what makes people want to stray from the path of their natural life activities to say something chillingly hateful to me.
But even that was empowering and fascinating — I will never know those people, but they all know me. If there are truly such sad assholes in the world, I’m glad I have the ability to make them angry simply by existing. And confronting it on Formspring made me feel even thicker-skinned — I can be as vitriolic as anyone should I want to, but I can’t think of any person I hate enough to motivate me to submit that hatred for their evaluation (and rejection). I must be a pretty big deal to these people.
It goes to one’s head. And it’s distracting, and for what? There was no useful information, no dot-cloud to be gleaned. My friend Mitu Khandaker wrote yesterday at GameSetWatch about how the human brain is incapable of accepting the very real concept of randomness, but that’s what it is.
People ask me questions for the same reason someone Tweets about their breakfast — because someone’s listening and because they can. Because it’s the kind of interaction people do not get to do in their real lives, where you cannot tell everyone in your office unsolicited information about your meal or ask a stranger on the subway whether he believes in God.
It’s been fun, but there are probably better things I should be doing with myself, including prizing my privacy more. There’s definitely a tipping point for social media exposure, and as I said earlier this week, I think I’ve passed it.
[Today’s Good Song: Moon Duo, ‘Mazes’]
Career Announcement !!
Hey, so we have a new editor in chief and business director at Gamasutra! We’ve made a few notable and very exciting changes over there, which includes my decision to become freelance Editor at Large for the site. As you might’ve noticed, I’ve usually got so many projects going on that many people have assumed I’ve been freelance all along, ha.
I’m still very much part of the excellent Gamasutra team, except now I’m at liberty to take on all kinds of other projects, too. I’ll continue to develop original trade-focused reporting and interviews for Gamasutra as I’m doing other work — for one thing, you’ve probably spotted me doing some more social media and general-audience type stuff at the fantastic Thought Catalog, where I’ll be appearing twice a week. You can still find me monthly at Kotaku as well, doing my column on the culture surrounding games and gamers.
I’ve also taken on the games section in NYLON Guys — the May issue of NYLON’s bimonthly men’s mag came out really lovely so, if you want to read my feature on storytelling in L.A. Noire, or see some indie devs and Facebook games I thought were worth spotlighting, keep your eyes peeled for it.
I have a few other projects underway I can’t say much about just yet, and I continue to work with other outlets both in the games press and outside of it on various things that you’ll likely see surfacing soon. And of course I’ll continue to look after SVGL! It’s pretty much the most exciting time in my career thus far, and I remain deeply appreciative of everyone’s support and attention.
And I want to do all kinds of other things in all kinds of areas, so if you’d like to work together professionally in some capacity, I’m available to discuss — no idea is too crazy, so hit me up! I can’t wait to see what will happen.
Meanwhile, this is MY NEXT PROJECT SRSLY (see also the wiki and the twitter convo that started it all)
Hello San Francisco!
I am here yet again for GDC! I am very excited and very busy, and hope if you run into me you’ll say hi.
Real quick: My Kotaku feature from Friday. Please check it out if you have’t yet! Thanks sincerely to everyone who’s sent some mail about it. I’d love to be able to reply to you each individually, but I’m just not able to get the time during GDC week, my busiest all year. Still appreciate you all very much.
Gamasutra’s GDC SUPER SPECIAL GDC page GDC, where our coverage of all things GDC will be. Bookmark it! Now! GDC!
The Official SVGL Banner Gallery Is Here!
I swap SVGL’s design and banner header a lot. It’s, like, a ‘thing’ I do. Over the years, I’ve accrued a massive gallery of SVGL banners, most made by me, but with plenty of gifts from readers and friends. Unfortunately my hard drives have been fickle things, and I’ve been unable to hang onto all of them (I lost a big zip file last year full of gift banners).
Lots of you enjoy the little visual bonuses, and I’ve been asked many times over the years to create a gallery of the site’s banners. I finally went ahead and did it, and here it is! I made ‘em unless otherwise noted in the image title.
I have tried to credit creators where I knew them. There are a couple there that were given to me and I, embarrassingly, cannot remember who the artist was. If you gave me a banner and yours is not credited or is miscredited, please please email me. If you gave me a banner I’ve used and you don’t see it there, please re-send for inclusion in the gallery. If you are credited and do NOT want your name used, that’s totally fine too, just shoot me a mail.
I love these pictures. I may at any time re-use any of the ones that are in there, too, because as much as I love to change up the design here regularly, some of those are just way too fun never to be seen again!
I felt a little nostalgic assembling this gallery, so I hope it’s not too cheesy if I deliver you all a sincere thanks for being part of Sexy Videogameland. Game journalism is my full-time career, and sometimes floods my life even more than I want it to. But I started this blog with the hope of making that happen, and it happened for me in great part because of you guys. Because you thought it was worth reading, because you gave me your feedback and you liked “being here” with each other and because you supported my work. Most of you probably weren’t “here” in the beginning, but I know some of you were, so thanks. A million.
Housekeeping
Hey guys — I know many of you’ve grown used to seeing me participate in the comments threads as “SVGL” with my bio pic, but due to a little housekeeping, I’ve decided to go with a neutral “admin” and remove my Blogger profile. So if you see someone titled “admin” in the comments, not to worry! That’s me, and I’m still here with y’all. Thanks!
Caution
No. I don’t have Peace Walker because I am too poor to replace my PSP. I don’t know when that will change. If you think this is driving me fucking batshit right now, you’re right.
Twitterpated
You’ve heard people say it a million times — you know, the whole, “well, I’m busy with my real adult life now, so I don’t have time for full-length, immersive games; I need things that are deep in brief sessions, I want to be able to jump in and jump out via social media,” yak yak yak.
Gotcha!
They say that if you want to trick someone with false information, you must tell a story that is at least partially true. The only parts of my most recent post that are not real are that I am quitting games journalism/closing this blog (no way!) and that I am going to rehab (I said, no, no, no).
