1. At regular intervals, slap your own face (gently!) while muttering, “produce, produce”
2. See how quickly you can consume a sugarless red bull (or appropriate equivalent)
3. Stare.
4. Drink a large glass of wine. NOTE: This only works if it is not nighttime
5. Roll ‘log-style’ across a carpet or similar surface, moaning dramatically
6. Scroll through Twitter too rapidly to read anything, whispering “fucker” or similar
8.
9. Imagine yourself at the lip of a yawning void. Visualize dark ripples spreading indeterminately outward from you to an undefined but bleak outcome. OPTIONAL: Imagine your own personal entrails bobbing gently before you on the surface of the void
10. Take a walk. At the first corner you see, turn around, performing concentric circles.
11. Open a word document.
12. Google “are mermaids real”
13. Think about your Klout score, mentally rewrite Camus’ The Stranger as if it concerned your Klout score