Review Of GTA V*

Grand Theft Auto V is the fifth game in Rockstar’s epic fun mayhem but also serious grown up storytelling franchise. This game’s world based on a major American City is even bigger than the last GTA, and that one was pretty big. You can do a lot of things, but not too many things, just enough things.

Most of the things you can do are helicopter, base jump, shoot, drive, run, swim. Whether or not you can swim in GTA is very important. There are even more unique cars with satirical names like a Jaguar except it starts with F and the writing is very witty. You can also go on the internet in GTA and it’s all sick and funny just like the real internet where you’re reading this very review and about to get mad. Only in truly interactive entertainment do our souls see a mirror and that is exactly what Rockstar has told us it is doing since it started making GTA games.

Instead of only playing as one gross man who commits crimes and swears a lot, you get to play as three different ones. My press kit says this is a narrative innovation. You can’t be a woman. I could be lazy and say this is because women do not commit crimes or swear and nor should they want to, but instead I’m going to come right out and say it’s misogynistic. What, you want to leave me death threats? Go for it! Games are about feeling powerful, and about you getting your way!

Anyway the thing with 3 different guys doesn’t really do everything they said it was going to do, but whatever, it’s the culmination of a great vision and this is why we video gaming. Back to the thing which matters, which is is this GTA better than the GTA which came before it. If you like GTA, sure it is! If you like GTA you should buy this game. I know I will. It’s a cultural revolution 9.7/10

(*I haven’t played this game yet, but boy am I fucking glad I didn’t actually have to review it).

UPDATE: Here is an ‘audio performance’ of this review.